How to Translate Idiot-ese to English

[Lollicat]

Hello, and welcome to my thread. Every once in a while you will see the average noob, and suddenly, it spews this insane shit at you! You have no idea what it is trying to say!!

WAIT! Before you flame, why not try to speak its language!?

How to speak Idiotese
Lesson One: Do not flame unless the noob flames you. For example, if one says,
"OMFG U NOUEWBB!!!1111ONE11!!!1"
Your response should be similar to this:
"IM NOT A NOUWEB U S2PED 1D10T!?!!!!!!1111!!1ONE!!"
Without the quotes, of course. However, if this is the noob's post:
"plzplzplzplzplz halp me im just a p0or n3wb13 plzplzplz halp wit m3s0z"
See, notice the lack of extreme punctuation and capitals, so your response should be something like [even if not true]:
"srry 1m p00r 2 1d g1v3 u m3s0z 1f 0n1y 1 h4d sum"
This translates into, "Sorry, I'm too poor to give you some. I would give you my mesos if I had some. Please, anyone reading this post, can you donate some mesos to me, as I may not be a troll and might give some to my ten year old friend?" Notice the obvious lies in here.

Lesson Two: Common phrases, vowels and...numbers.
Noobs are like vampires, in a way. They are annoying [although they don't sparkle, don't worry]. They leech your experience. And finally, they both have a weakness. For vampires, it is garlic and sunlight [unless you have a Twilight vampire. Then you're pretty much screwed, but then again, you were screwed from the moment you set foot in Meyerland.] For noobs, their great weaknesses are vowels.

Notice in a past quote:
"plzplzplzplzplz halp me im just a p0or n3wb13 plzplzplz halp wit m3s0z"
See, the vowel to consonant ratio, in the first word, is 15:0. In a word that is normally 2:2, 'poor', the ratio is 2:1. How is this possible? Noobs pull it off using two methods.
1)Cut them out completely. ["Please, plz; never mind, nvm."]
2)Some noobs call it 1337, [meaning "leet", or even "elite"], but the more common [and more noobish] method is to replace vowels with numbers. ["Poor, p00r; to/too/two, 2".]

Now, they also seem to avoid punctuation, but I think that is instinct.

A few examples
Here, I will record some conversations [tests, of course] to give a few examples. It is easier to show than to tell, after all.

Me >> Hello, good sir. How are you today?
Noob >> omfg wtf d0 u want?!??! (Translation: I am a tad busy right now. May I ask your business?)
Me >> I was wondering if you would like to do a Kerning City Party Quest with me and my party, as you seem to be idle.
Noob >> k sure watev3r u w4n7 n00b (Translation: I would be happy to. Please add me.)
Me >> -adds- Thank you. I hope we have a fun Party Quest together.
Noob >> w47 cc?????!??!??!?!///r1!!!1!!one????///slash???//?! (Translation: ???????)

And then I d/ced. >.< Analysis complete.

Noob >> wow ur r1ch. cn i h4z sum m3s0z????/1?!???/1?slash??11?!1 (Translation: I seem to be short on Mesos right now, could you please donate some to me?)
Me >> No, sir, I worked hard for my Mesos. You may not have them.
Noob >> bu7 u gotz l07zzz!!!!1!11!!1one!!!111 (Translation: I understand your feelings on this matter, but I find it difficult to obtain my own mesos.)
Me >> Thank you for understanding my situation, and I hope you can get them on your own.
Noob >> N00B11111!!!!11!11!!1ONE!1!11 (Translation: I am confused, and seem to think you are my species. Do you play World of Warcraft?)
Me >> Sorry for the misunderstanding, but I am not a Noob.
Noob >> OMFG STFU!11!!1!!1!! -places on ignore list- (I am enjoying this conversation with you, but I must go to do some merchanting. It was nice chatting with you.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you have enjoyed my guide, and hopefully learned something from it. The main lesson of all: Don't go to Henesys Park. Seriously, just avoid that general Noob breeding ground.

[Rip]

Hi there, I see you have
1) Posted this in the wrong area
2) Really generalised the newbie population of most MMORPGs.

But despite all that, there seems to be a lot of problems with your guide, so for constructive criticism's sake I might as well point out a flaw to start off with.
The main lesson of all: Don't go to Henesys Park. Seriously, just avoid that general Noob breeding ground.
This is kMS, if they do spew stuff like this in Henesys Park, it'd most likely be 10아란파티점요, 메소요 etc.

Also, you keep referring to people who spew this stuff out as "noobs." Yes, most newcomers to games speak this language but not all of them. Newcomers to games just need a way to settle into the community, flaming and insulting these people only exacerbates the issue. You go so far as to call newbies a different "species," as if you are a different being to these people and are better than them.

Finally, you have to realise everyone starts out as a newbie, and in our eyes, you, yes YOU, are one of your so called "noobs"
Perhaps you don't get what I'm saying, but anyways : 7ry |-|4rD3r |\|3X7 T1M3 7|' 011!!!!11111oneeleven

[Lollicat]

Hi there, I see you have
1) Posted this in the wrong area
2) Really generalised the newbie population of most MMORPGs.

But despite all that, there seems to be a lot of problems with your guide, so for constructive criticism's sake I might as well point out a flaw to start off with.

This is kMS, if they do spew stuff like this in Henesys Park, it'd most likely be 10아란파티점요, 메소요 etc.

Also, you keep referring to people who spew this stuff out as "noobs." Yes, most newcomers to games speak this language but not all of them. Newcomers to games just need a way to settle into the community, flaming and insulting these people only exacerbates the issue. You go so far as to call newbies a different "species," as if you are a different being to these people and are better than them.

Finally, you have to realise everyone starts out as a newbie, and in our eyes, you, yes YOU, are one of your so called "noobs"
Perhaps you don't get what I'm saying, but anyways : 7ry |-|4rD3r |\|3X7 T1M3 7|' 011!!!!11111oneeleven
1)I do realize I accidentally posted this in the wrong section. It was meant to go into the gMS section. I have already contacted a mod and asked to have it moved.

Please read the Urban Dictionary's definition of noob. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=noob) And I quote,

II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own.

I used that definition. Finally, the entire guide is a joke. I should have put in there somewhere not to take this seriously. >.<";

[Max]

we have the asylum for this stuff

[Lollicat]

we have the asylum for this stuff

Excuse me for trying to humorously give a guide on how to read leet.

[Ekaru]

The problem is you posted it in a serious section.

For future reference, most forums nowadays have a section designed for this kind of stuff, so just look for it. Seriously.

Also, it helps if joke guides are, what's the word... can someone please help me find the word I'm looking for?

A for effort, though.

[animaniatico]

For some reason, when i read the title of this post, i facepalmed thinking it was some n00b insulting korean language and trying to modify string.wz for it to be in english.
I was thinking of stuff on how to flame you already xD
OT: This belongs in the GMS section, nevertheless i've never meet someone like that in GMS, might be something new? Or just mere exaggeration?

[Orange]

OT: This belongs in the GMS section, nevertheless i've never meet someone like that in GMS, might be something new? Or just mere exaggeration?
http://www.ellinforest.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4643
And I met one today in my alliance. I insulted him, calling him a retard, comparing his abuse of the english language to spousal abuse, and it did not phase him. Instead when I mention the spousal abuse, he says something about "I prononce u man an wif" or some stupid shit and about now being able to APQ.
Nonetheless, he was promptly kicked from the guild, never to turn the english language into a stinking pile of shit in my presence.
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[Lollicat]

Everyone who posted that it belongs in the gMS section, I already said before that I contacted a mod and asked for it to be moved. :/

[Verperia]

Made me chuckle a little

stay on topicand also moved :P

[Lollicat]

Thanks Verperia. :P

[oouaeoo]

LOL ! I agree with those who think this is funny !